What to do when someone argues with you in front of other people

Because an audience raises the price of giving ground. In private, backing down costs you an argument. In front of friends, family or coworkers, it can also cost you face: the image of yourself you're trying to keep up in front of them. Sociologist Erving Goffman wrote the classic account of "face-work," the effort people put into protecting that image.

Once face is at stake, both people are defending how they look as well as what they think, and the argument becomes something to win rather than something to solve.

1. Keep it short and level. One sentence, at normal volume, so it reads as neither a retreat nor a threat.
2. Ask to talk one-on-one, and say when. Now in the next room, or later today.
3. Leave them an easy yes. Don't tack on "because you're embarrassing yourself." An offer that saves their face is easier to accept than one that costs it.

Same move, on a schedule. Acknowledge their point in a sentence, then offer to work out the rest after the meeting. Follow up the same day if you can, so the offer was real and not a way to shut them down in front of everyone.

You can't make them, but you can stop performing. Say once that you'd rather talk about it privately, then stop arguing the point in front of people. An argument needs two people answering each other, and with only one, it usually runs down.

Related: How to de-escalate an argument · Red flags you're missing: 7 signs a conversation is about to go off the rails